Hidden aka (Burn The F*#ker Down Bitch!!)

This is the fourth year of these After Dark Horrorfest fests....and after seeing a majority of these flicks,I have come to learn not to expect too much.These "8 Films To Die For" that they offer every year are very hit or miss....with A LOT of misses. You see with lower expectations you can be pleasantly surprised occasionally by some of their offerings."Hidden" goes in the column of being pleasantly surprised.

Each year After Dark has these "film fests"....the first two years they were out at a lot of theaters,the first year it was over just one weekend,with them showing three a day Friday through Sunday.Which was pretty sweet if you love the shit out of horror movies.And to be honest the first year probably had the highest quotient of decent stuff to just bullshit crap that stunk worse than the shit my dog dumps in the backyard. The second year they tried to show the films over a whole week,with two new movies each day.This sounds ok,but this was also probably the worse selection of films in the 4 year history of this thing.So there was a damn good possibility of you seeing some god awful cheap ass Matrix/Groundhogs day piece of shit like "The Life Of Ian Stone" if you have insomnia...pop this bad boy in....followed up by a flick that looked like a goddamn Scifi Channel (sorry I refuse to spell that channel the new way...just fucking stupid) wannabe starring fucking Charlie Murphy....you have not endured fricking hell until you have seen a fricking horror movie starring Charlie "Thank God For Dave Chappelle and Rick Motherfuckin James" Murphy....seriously,avoid "Unearthed" at ALL costs!!!That fucker made me soooooo fuckin angry I honestly wanted to throw shit at the screen and poke my frickin eyes out....it hurt me physically to watch that fucker....

Anyways....sorry for the lil rant there anyways back to what I was talking about....uhm...oh yeah,anyhow,like in the third year,I guess because they had done such a piss poor job with Horrorfest two,they went more limited with the theater locations and so unfortunately they didn't show up in my area....and the same thing happened this year.Which is a bummer,as even though most all of the films are lower budget indie flicks,if I can see a whole bunch of horror films that for the most part aren't Hollywood bullshit remakes or sequels (and yeah unfortunately they did throw in a dumb ass "Butterfly Effect" sequel in there a year ago)....I'm all for it.So I'm kinda bummed about....so if for some miracle of miracles and somebody other than the 3 or 4 people who occasionally look at this crap happens to wander onto this site and reads this and you happen by even more of a miracle,happen to work for After Dark....how about throwing some love towards the Norfolk/Va Beach Va area!!! As long as you never show another damn Charley "Come On Eddie...Please Answer The Phone" Murphy flick!!!

Ok,so after all that crap...the fourth year of fest flicks just came out on dvd,and let me say I have seen three so far...and to me its off to a pretty decent start. The best of the three is definitely this film right here.Its an import from Sweden that is pretty damn entertaining. I will say that between this,"Dead Snow","Cold Prey Pts. 1 and 2","Slaughter Night", and "Sauna",northern Europe has it going on in terms of entertaining very well done horror.Seriously all of these movies are effective,very good to look at,and to me a hell of a lot more entertaining than a lot of the reprocessed bullshit that Hollywood is doing here in the states.They aren't reinventing the wheel,but what they are doing is taking familiar ideas and doing them very well,with some of their own countries flair.Check any of these out if you can find them.

Hidden is about a dude that comes back home 19 years after escaping from an abusive mother,to burn down his mothers dilapidated country house after the nasty old bitch has gone and died. I mean this dude went through hell when he lived with this witch.Lets just say the boy is now a lil touched in the head.

He gets to the house and of course all his memories start coming back to him,which is the main reason he wants to burn down the fucker and move on...but he also starts seeing a bunch of creepy ass shit from his past again,and people who happen to wander by the house start dying. Seriously,this movie has some very effective and creepy ass moments in the film throughout.It is filmed beautifully,and it has creepy atmosphere out the ass.

Yeah as I have stated before,its nothing we haven't seen before,but the way its done is pretty fricking great.Imagine,if you put in little bits of "The Shining","Psycho","High Tension",and Horror Fests own underrated "The Abandoned" from a few years ago (in terms of moody wtf? creepiness)....and you have a winner in my book. So if your looking for something scary,and you don't mind subtitles,then yeah,most definitely check this one out!!

Hot Tub Time Machine aka (Great White Buffalo....Great White Buffalo....Great White Buffalo...)

"Hot Tub Time Machine", four words that will either right from the start get you interested in seeing a freaking funny ass flick,or you think its the dumbest name in the history of films and theres no way anyone over the age of 14 will think its fun.For me,the moment I heard of the title and then saw the preview and saw that John "Seriously...Fuck Off Jeremy Piven" Cusack I was hooked.For the snobby assholes out there who think a riotous comedy is the next Jane"I've Been Fucking Dead For 200 Years And Not Getting Shit For All These Damn Adaptations With Keira Knightly In Them....And Zombies...WTF??" Austin adaptation...well if pompous English people talking incessantly while standing around in period gear is your idea of fun..FUCK YOU!!

This movie is really funny.the perfect way to describe it would be a combination of "The Hangover" meets "Back to the Future".Also let me state its great to see Cusack back in and over the top funny comedy.For the last 10 years (at least) when he has done comedy its been romantic comedies,or very dark comedies....this is his first really just ridiculously over the top comedies for him since "Better Off Dead" in the 80's,and its his funniest film since "Gross Pointe Blank"...so glad to see him doing something that's just different than the stuff he's been doing.Here's hoping he tries some more.

The jest of the plot....well unless your a total fucktard...seriously,with a title like "Hot Tub Time Machine" do I really have to go into it?? Anyways lets just say that Cusack and his best buds (featuring Rob "I'm Frickin Awesome...Seriously Comedy Central,Fuck Jon Stewart...I'm The Shit" Cordry and Craig "Yeah I'm That Big Black Guy Who Keeps Popping Up In All The Recent Comedies,Including "Knocked Up"...But Dammit They Are Always Small Parts,But I'm A Hell Of A Lot Funnier Than That Bitch Katherine Heigle"Robinson) are starting to drift apart,but because Cordry was drunk in his garage with the car running and the door shut while singing "Home Sweet Home" and ends up in the hospital,they get reunited,and because Cordry's character is such an ass munch to everyone,they are basically stuck with him,and decide to cheer him up by taking him to their old stomping grounds from when they were young.Its an old ski resort called Kodiak Valley....and lets just say....Kodiak Valley has seen its better days.

At the resort they end up getting ridiculously drunk in a hot tub,and somehow end up back in 1986....yeah I know it sounds silly,but go with it....besides....is a Delorean Time Machine really that much different in terms of ridiculousness?? I think not....This film is a trip.Its got appearances by Crispin "Yeah I Know I Kinda Come Across As A Pedophile" Glover,who by the way hasn't fricking aged much since the 80's....seriously I saw parts of "Back To The Future" a week ago,and he really looks about the same as he did when he was playing papa Mcfly.And it also has an appearance by Chevy Chase,who doesnt have a ton to do,but gets a few funny lines in.

Look,I haven't laughed as hard at film as the I did watching this,since I first saw "The Hangover",so if you want to see something that will let you have a good time and is actually very funny see this.If you don't want to see this because you don't like over the top humor,and/or the title just sounds stupid....but gee that one with Jennifer "She Is Basically A Female Greg Kinnear,But Has Been Luckier With Getting The Right Ensemble Comedies In The Past,And She Used To Fuck Brad Pitt," Aniston really looks good...than what the hell are you doing looking at this blog??? Anyways get your asses out and go see this film,you'll laugh your ass off.

Ghost Town aka (Dudes Kinda Like Whoopi in Ghost,But He's Not Black,and Kind Of Funny)

Ok, Sorry for not having any reviews in over a week.Slacker....I know,but I have been tied up with drinking beer and watching basketball. So sorry,but the next few weeks I probably wont see much,but I did catch this last night,so I figured I'd at least put something up.

"Ghost Town" is on HBO right now,it was out at the theaters for about a week in the fall of 2008.It has Ricky "Its Ok My Films Make Only About $5 Total Here In The States,Because I'm Rolling Like Mike Myers In "Studio 54" Naked In My Bed Every Night In The Millions Of Dollars That I made From The Original Version Of "The Office""or "Steve Carrell Cant Hold My Dick In The Office" Gervais.

Seriously,let me take a second here.Mr. Gervais has to my knowledge now appeared in 3 or 4 films that have had theatrical releases at the theaters,and I really believe not one of them has made their money back. This is the first one that I have actually seen.....and to be honest,before last night,I can honestly say that I have never seen anything this dude has been in....my bad....because,even though "Ghost Town" isn't a comedy classic,it has its moments,and Mr. Gervais comes across as a pretty funny dude.I do plan on trying to see more of his stuff now.

"Ghost Town" stars Gervais as a dentist in New York City who goes in for a colonoscopy that goes wrong,and he flat lines for several minutes.When he awakens,he can now has gone all Haley Joel "My Parents Wanted To Clone Me Like Mccauleys Parents Did....Seriously Theres Like Fuckin 12 Culkins Running Around" Osment,and can see dead people now.And the dead people know it and are seeking him out to see if he can help them.This leads to some very funny bits.The main ghost that is bugging the hell out of him for help is Greg " I Really Thought I Was Going To Be A Bigger Star Than I Turned Out To Be....Should He Really Be Classified As A Star?" Kinnear.

You see,Kinnears character had died a year and half earlier and wants to have Gervais help him keep his hot and spicy widowed wife Te'a "My Husband Loves Porn And Hookers"Leoni from marrying a guy that he swears is up to no good,but actually appears to be the perfect dude.Of course even though this isn't really a true romantic comedy (thank goodness),Gervais's character falls for Leone.And tries to use the fact that he knows so much about her thanks to her dead hubby to try and woo her.This doesn't go too smoothly.

What I liked about this movie,is that Gervais's character is actually pretty much a prick the whole flick,its not one of those typical rom coms,where the guy is some super sweet schmuck who has always been right under her knows kind of bullshit.I mean really the dude is a bit of a turd,but its all in a good way.

I enjoyed "Ghost Town" there were moments in it towards the end that I thought we were heading into trouble with it getting too sappy,but then it would pull itself out.The acting is solid by all.Plus its got Kristen "She Would Be Funny In "Schindler's List"" Wiig in a funny role as the doctor that Gervais deals with at the hospital....seriously this chick just makes me laugh...shes great.Anyways,if you have HBO and can catch "Ghost Town" check it out. If you don't have HBO or any movie channels at all because you are a cheap fucker,then go rent it if you want.Its a decent flick.

Shes Out of My League aka ( Pretty Funny After Some Beer and Shots!!)

So Saturday,I went out during the early afternoon and drank.Yeah sounds kinda like an alcoholic,but fuck it,you wouldn't believe how much cheaper drinking your face off during the day on a Saturday is,compared to drinking your face off on a Saturday night. Its great!! Plus you get home and still can get plenty of sleep,unlike when you go out on a Saturday night and party like a rock star and end up at frickin IHOP or going through Taco Bell or whatever at 2 am,then not falling asleep when you finally get home till 2 hours after that,then you sleep like ass,because of all the damn alcohol and crap that you just ate.....that sucks.Ok,plus I'm a bit too old to be hanging out trying to do body shots off some co eds.....Anyways thumbs up on Saturday afternoon drinking!!

Anyways,the reason I brought this up,is that after drinking for a few hours,I went and saw "Shes Out Of My League",I actually enjoyed the movie a lot.Now keep in mind,that this was after the drinking so maybe my opinion might change when viewing it sober.But I wasn't that drunk...Not compared to the night I went and saw Rob Zombies "Halloween II" when I had been drinking for damn near 5 hours and tossing in tequila and shit...geez,that night by the last twenty minutes of that I was seeing six Micheal Myers's on one screen (then again I actually liked that damn film when I saw it that night...sigh).

But,I actually did enjoy this film,so I don't think it was just due to alcohol. The movie is very Apatowish,from the story,about a skinny non motivated little loser played by an actual Apatow alum in Jay "If They Ever Make Seinfeld The Motion Picture...I'm So Playing Kramer" Baruchel,he has been a supporting character in "Knocked Up" and was also in "Tropic Thunder".His character is just getting through life working with some friends,doing airport security.Basically if his character was about 100 lbs. heavier this would probably have been a Seth Rogen character.

Anyhow while working at the airport he ends up finding the cell for insanely,ridiculously,super stupid hot Alice "Hot Damn!!" Eve. Anyways,through only the magic of cinema,they start to date.I mean this makes the Katherine "Bitch Almighty" Heigles pairing with Seth " I Actually Have Gotten To Act Like I Was Humping Not Only Katherine Heigle,But Also Frickin Elizabeth Banks In Two Seperate Films!! Man I Love Making Movies!!" Rogen in "Knocked Up" seem realistic as can be.

So yeah the setup is a bit flimsy.But between some funny moments between Baruchels character and his buds,led by T.J. "I'm Playing The Jason Lee Part" Miller are really pretty damn funny.Actually Miller was probably the funniest part in the film. Look,if you have seen "Knocked Up" or "Superbad" the comedy in this film,is along those lines.It is a pretty funny movie.Dont go in thinking it'll be AS funny as those two....especially "Superbad",but it is a pretty enjoyable film.


Look if you want to go to the movies this weekend,and "Hot Tub Time Machine" isn't playing yet,and you don't feel like seeing the seemingly 18th fucking 3D film released within the last month,and you don't want to see Bourne Supre...I mean "The Green Zone" or some bullshit chick flick starring whats his face from Twilight (God that just almost made me puke just typing that),then check out "Shes Out Of My League". Its a good flick for a Saturday matinee in the middle of March.

The Reader aka (A Whole Lotta Nakedness)

"The Reader" isn't the type of movie I would own,but I have been wanting to see,one because I'm a history buff,and I knew that this had something to do with Nazis,and two because if its got something to do with Nazis,and it has a really good cast,its probably gotta be pretty good. And it is.

It was a cold raining night so me and my lady were chilling watching some movies on tv and this came on. About the only way I was going to see it,like I said not the normal type of movie that I would go to a theater to see,or go up to Best Buy and get it on Blu Ray. But I am glad I watched it.Its one of those type of movies,that I don't mind seeing one time,and can appreciate it as a good dramatic film,but also one that I don't have to see ever again....unless I just want to catch Kate "The Carpet Doesn't Match The Drapes" Winslet naked which she is a lot in this film.And that's saying something,because this chick would probably get naked in a kids film.I mean shes gotta be a producers fucking wet dream,shes a great actress and shes gotta be cheap on the wardrobe department.

The movie deals with a teen age boy in Germany named Michael who befriends and starts to get his sex on,with an older women who works the trolleys played by Ms. Winslet in the late 50's in West Germany.And boy do they get their sex on.The first frickin 40 minutes of this movie is the two of them doing the beast with two backs and sitting around naked.But eventually the story starts to kick in.The woman Hannah loves to hear the teen age boy read to her while they lay around naked.And so he reads everything he can get his hands on to her.Their relationship lasts for a summer,then after she gets a promotion and for reasons unknown to the boy she disappears.

The movie moves on a few years later to 1966 and the boy is in law school.His class goes to the courts to see a big trial involving a bunch of women who are being put to trial for being guards at Auschwitz during World War II. This is when he finds out that he had been macking on a NATZI (as Lt Aldo Rain would say).As Hannah is being persecuted for being one of the guards.

Ralph "Don't Call Me Ralphie" Fienes shows up later in the film as the now adult version of Michael as he tries to make amends for not doing something during the trial that would have helped Hannah avoid life in prison.

This is a very good film.Its not a feel good movie,and is something that as I said before that I wont really need to see again.My only real complaint is that there was WAY too much showing of male penis and pubes in this flick....seriously...Its like ok ,enough I get it the dude likes to be naked,but shit its not like they continually showed Kate's bush all the time.Other than that,if you like dramas and catch this on the tv or your at the video store and you want something more serious than 2012 or Sorority Row...give it a shot.

The Dead Outside aka (The Bitch I'm With Is Scarier Than The Zombies...In The Movie,Not Talking About The Wife)

Last night,I watched a couple of zombie/ infected flicks from overseas.One was evidently the first offically released horror film released by Ireland called "Dead Meat".The other was this lil scare flick from Scotland called "The Dead Outside".Both have their merits,"Dead Meat" is fast paced and has some good moments,but there are some kill scenes in it that take you out of it....just stupid...think women throwing her high heel shoe from 20 yards away and killing a zombie with it....just kinda took you out of the movie,when the rest of it is being treated serious.So I decided I'd discuss "The Dead Outside" since I thought it was definitely the superior of the two.

"The Dead Outside" is a low budget indie that is really more about the characters than being about dealing with the zombies....or in this case the infected (think sort of "28 Days Later" or maybe better yet "The Crazies"),there are scenes with the infected,but its more of whats happening with the two leads. I actually liked this take on the whole zombie/infected whatever ya wanna call it theme. Lets face it since the Holy Trifecta of "28 Days Later",the "Dawn of the Dead" remake,and "Shaun of the Dead",there have been a butt load of films from the indie faction that is dealing with people boarded up in some building dealing with the zombies,or its a zomcom that really isn't as funny as it thinks it is.So a take that's a bit different I can appreciate.

The movie is about a pandemic that has caused the world to go mad (like the Crazies) these people are crazy ass fuckers,they yell at you like they might have Tourretes but then they try to kill ya also. The movie starts six months after the pandemic started and centers on a dude that has had to kill someone (they dont initially tell you who),who has to leave where he was and drives the barren cold Scotland country side till he comes across a farm.He crashes there,and the next day meets the owner of the house,a crazy ass bitch named April.This chick is definitely short a few bricks from a full load (kinda reminded me of a couple of exes of mine).

Anyways,April is a girl in her late teens who seems very fucking off. She is quiet and very intense. She obviously has some mental issues,as well as an unknown fucked up family past (like I said it was deja fuckin vu of a few exes for sure....gave me the shakes).

The film deals with the two of them trying to co exist on this farm with periodic appearance of the crazy fuckers.The dude starts to show symptoms that he might be slowly becoming infected
so you've got him trying to keep his sanity,as well as try to deal and live with the psycho ass,and on top of that the crazy assholes as well,and there are times early on,you wonder if maybe she is crazier than the crazies....this film is well shot,you can really feel how empty,cold,and barren the Scottish countryside is in this film.There are some good creepy scenes and it does have some nice little intense scenes.The ending is a bit of a disappointment,but its not awful.

So yeah I had said that I was tired of zombie films where assholes are boarded up and fighting off zombies,and these people are alone in the country with crazy asses,but if you watch it,it definitely has a different feel than a lot of the recent indie zombie ilk....I would definitely recommend seeing this if you like zombie/infected films and want to see something a little different.This is a decent little flick...not super awesome or anything but a nice little decent film.

Sherlock Holmes aka ( Good Things Happen When You Dump The Evil Succubus Known As Madonna)

Ok,so I havent really watched anything that I felt really that I could review this week,been working a butt load....so sorry.Gee up to four followers now....shit this keeps up we're moving down to Waco and having a commune living,Kool Aid drinking,waiting for a comet to pick us up good time!! Does anyone know what the hell the followers thing does on this site?? If so let me know,cause I dont have a clue....

Anyhow,I figured I needed to put something up,instead of being a slack ass,and since this is coming out in a couple of weeks on dvd I figured "Sherlock Holmes" would be a good one for now.This is a fun movie.Its more comedy than action,but what action it does have is handled very well.Lets put it this way,I enjoyed this a hell of a lot more than that other big holiday over hyped picture about smurfs.

"Sherlock Holmes" was directed by Guy "I Had A Career Before Madonna Ruined Me" Ritchie....seriously this dude was getting ready to be the next big thing after "Lock,Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch" ...then he met the evil wench known as Madonna and made the mistake of directing one movie starring her and Rupert Everett in a ship wreck movie that made like $6 at the theaters....I mean it bombed something fierce.Anyways,after that he was stuck with the ball and chain for another 7 years,and his movies basically became straight to video flicks....sad,very very sad.Finally he said enough with this bullshit,"Madonna your fucking fugly,I wanna divorce...you fake Kabbalah Bitch!!",and the next thing you know,he's back to directing movies with big name actors with huge budgets....Nice to have you back Guy Ritchie!!

So the movie of course stars Robert "I Was Never As Bad Off As Corey Haim" Downey Jr. as Holmes,and Jude "That Kids Not Mine" Law as Watson.These two have a great camaraderie that really helps this film.Downey is playing basically his typical smart ass role,but of course this time,he's ridiculously smart and has a British accent.Rachel "Wheres Lindsey Lohan Now...Bitch!!" Mcadams is the woman that Holmes is infatuated with,mainly because,she is a fantastic little minx,who also happens to be a thief that he just simply cant get out of his head.

The story is your typical "Sherlock Holmes" type mystery....I haven't seen a ton,but the ones I have seen,including "Young Sherlock Holmes" back in the 80's,a lot of them have a conspiracy story,and sometimes mix in the mystical and supernatural into the story.And this one is similar.

Holmes must figure a way to stop a conspiracy by a Masons type secret society,that's led by a madman that Holmes had previously caught and had died in the gallows....only to somehow magically come back.Like I said its your typical Holmes story,only with more of a comedic flair,and some nice action sequences.

Also it looks fantastic.Guy Ritchie has always had a way with his films,with camera angles and editing that made watching his films sometimes a bit different than watching a normal film,and that shows in this one,and I believe enhances the film a lot.

Lets put it this way,with a less capable director,and with the three main leads,this might have been a train wreck.But this is a very enjoyable film,thanks to all of their efforts.So when "Sherlock Holmes" comes out in a few weeks,if you like comedic,smart,action films,that look great,check out this one.

Inglorious Basterds aka ( A Jewish Wetdream)

I'd heard a bunch of different stuff about this one. I've heard that it was aweomse,typical Tarantino,classic Tarantino,a must see...and I also have heard that it sucked and wasnt worth the time of day to see.In all honsety,I can see where both point of views are coming from.

"Inglorious Basterds" is the latest of course from Quentin "I Love the 70's" Tarantino and I for one enjoyed the hell out of it. It stars of course Brad "Whats In The Box?" Pitt and is a fantasy World War II film.Thats the thing with it,its all fantasy.Dont go into this one with expectations of it being realistic in pretty much any kinda way.You'll be disappointed.

Pitt is perfect in this kind of role,I always enjoy his more character acting type roles,where he's not just being Brad Pitt.He's a very good character actor when given the chance,see "12 Monkeys","Kalifornia","True Romance"..and such,he's fun when he just plays off beat characters.And his role in this one is about as offbeat as you can get.

His character is Lt. Aldo Raine and he hates him some Natzis (thats how he says it),his character is is a true redneck part indian from Tennessee who has recruited a crack unit of jewish soldiers to infiltrate Natzi occupied France.There aim is to basically kill as many Natzis as possible,and scare the crap out of the Natzis.He orders all his men to kill and scalp 100 Natzis before there done.As he says in the film,their in the buisness of killing Natzis,and buisness ia a booming.

Anyways,the main Natzi villain is played by a dude no ones ever heard of now,I mean this fucker is about as obscure an actor as you'll ever fine.His name is Christoph "He's So Fuckin Obscure...Fuck A Nickname" Waltz.He plays SS Colonel Hans Landa,and he is a smooth bad ass villain.He is really the heart and soul of this film,when he is in it,you just have a feeling that he always has the upper hand,and he's going to fuck shit up.Nice job dude.

Wont go into detailing too much more of the movie.I will say that this is the least action packed war movie I might have ever seen.So I will warn you that if you are expecting wall to wall typical World War II film action,you might be disappointed.This is mostly typical Tarantino teeritory as there are just a shit load of well conceived discussions.He is the master of this,and this might be his most impressive in terms of the amount of his types of "discussions" occur.Think about that odd part in "Pulp Fiction" where Christopher "The Motherfucker" Walken is telling Bruce "If Demi Can Fuck a Guy Young Enough To Be Her Son,Dammit Its On!!" Willis's character about how his dad had hidden that watch up his ass while in Vietnam.That and the scene with Walken and Dennis "I'll Do Any Film For A Buck" Hopper in "True Romance" if you've seen the film you knnow what I mean.This film has similar type banter throughout its two and a half hours.If you like that stuff,you'll love this film.

Oh and I gotta say.One of the women in this film is Diane "I Cant Believe People Went And Saw Those Damn Nic Cage National Treasure Films That I Was In"Kruger ,well just before I watched this I found out she's Paceys (Josh Jacksons) girl.Nice Job Pacey!!

The Nun aka (When Nuns Attack!!)

So this little flick here,I had never heard a damn thing about until a few weeks ago when I was on one of the several hundred thousand horror blogs that I look at when I'm bored as hell at work,and dont feel like fucking dealing with people.Anyways they had a little thing about Rec and Rec 2 (if you havent seen the original,go get it!! One of the best horror flicks in the last decade easily.) If your not familiar with" Rec" its a lil Spainish horror flick that is scary as fuck (imagine that a horror film thats actually scary) and it was remade in the US (big shock there) into "Quarantine" (they remade it,because us dumbass Americanos have fuckin ADD and cant fucking read subtitles).

Anyways "Rec" is a favorite of mine,and in this article they were discussing other films done by the creators of that and "Rec 2". One of them Jaume "Jaime Town" Balaruego also did Darkness which featured the gap tooth wonder that is Anna Paquin.That flick didnt really make a whole hell of a lot of sense,but visually it was creepy and it had some damn ass creepy moments.Check it out one night if you cant find anything worth a damn. So the film in between "Darkness" and "Rec" that Balaruego was involved with was this obscure lil flick called "The Nun".

"The Nun" is a spainish production but its similar to "Darkness" in that its in English....not bad dubbing mine you,but all the actors speak in English.It stars some lil chick that was in that stupid Brendan Fraser movie (arent all his movies stupid anyways?? You know with a bunch of crapass cgi...the only recent Fraser flick that didnt have crap ass cgi was that one with Harrison Ford about a month ago,and I was kind of surprised that some cgi snake didnt jump out of Fords ass at one point.Of course I didnt see it,so theres always that chance).Anyhow the chick was in that,cute girl,other than that dont know anyone else in it.

The story is a bit familiar these young girls at a catholic boarding school in the 80's have a dark secret involving the headmistress of the school that was a real bitch of a nun. So they swear to keep it a secret and quicker than you can say "I Know What You Did Last Summer" the ghost of the Nun is hunting them down like a mofo 18 years later.Its not the greatest flick in the world nor the most original....but that being said I enjoyed it.There are a few creepy parts in it,especially a cool death in an elevator that got me to yell "HOLY SHIT".It would have been better if they had kept the said nun in the dark,as the cgi nun is a lot creepier when you dont see her in the same shot with another person.But for a night when I'm doing jack shit and feeling blah....this is a serviceable flick.

Its got a combination feel of an American slasher,mixed with some J Horror,with that thing that you really only find currently in Spainish Horror that just general foreboding (BIG WORD OF THE DAY!!) creepiness that flicks like "The Orphanage" and "Darkness" and "Rec" seem to have.Of those films this is more along the lines of "Darkness" but not as good.And of course there are those out there that are probably thinking "But Darkness sucked ass!!"...FUCK YOU!! I liked it...anyways if you can find this obscure lil flick on either cable or if you still go to the video store and they have it and you arent feeling very discriminatory check it out.Its not great,kinda average to ok,but a decent time killer.

Observe and Report and Funny People aka (Two Morose Motherf@#kers)

I had really high hopes for these two flicks....and I hate to say,but damn it I really felt let down. Both films star Seth "He Was Supposed To Play The Green Hornet....Really?" Rogen who I have liked even though some people (ahem my wife) are burned out on him....yeah he is a bit of a one note kind of actor,but I have enjoyed for the most part the things he has been in...I LOVED "Freaks and Geeks" the awesome tv show from about 10 years ago,that NBC didnt know how to promote (was it a comedy or drama??) they just screwed it up badly....that show should have been on for 5 years...at least.He also was in the Judd Apatow comedies "40 Year Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up" and one of my all time faves "Superbad". So I went into these two with hopes of at least maybe laughing my ass off.

Unfortunately neither one of these films are that funny. "Observe and Report" is about Seth Rogens manic depressive mall cop trying to join the real police force so he gets off his medication and just turns into a nutcase....meanwhile he is also trying to track down a flasher at the mall. The idea isnt a bad one,but it needed to be handled by a better writer and director...parts that should have been laugh out loud hilarious turns out to be just ehhh...ok...Maybe in the hands of Judd Apatow (nd if Apatow was in the right frame of mind) this could have been hilarious.But its just not what it could be.Throw in the fact that you have a lot of dark comedy attempts in it,but then you have this whole thing with the police featuring Ray "What The Fuck Happened To My Career?" Liota that just feels like it was part of a whole other film...

The only saving grace that I can really recommend are the parts with Rogen and Anna "She Could Make You Laugh While Having Sex With Her And It Would Be Ok"Farris that I actually thought were funny.She is a cosmetic chick at the mall and he is trying to get her to go out with his sorry ass.These parts for the most part are funny and to me the best part of the film.Of course I also think that Anna Farris is frickin hilarious anyways...so I might be a bit bias. Someone get this woman a bigger movie!! If her "Just Friends" co star Ryan "I Cant Wait To Fucking Retire So I Can Finally Eat Good Shit And Not Have To Worry About My Fucking Abs" Reynolds can have his career blow up...then dammit so should hers!!

Now with "Funny People" I thought...gee a Judd Apatow film with Adam"Funny As Hell When He's Stupid" Sandler,Jonah "I'm Getting Bigger By The Fucking Minute...Hey You Gonna Eat That" Hill,Lesilie "Yeah I'm Married to Judd Apatow...But Damn It I'm Hot and Funny" Mann,and even has Eric "I Seriously Need To Do Something Less Serious" Bana coming across as being kinda funny (You'd never know Bana started out as a comedian from his films)and Seth "I Have The Loser Roles Down Pat" Rogen ,that it would be funny.Unfortunately its only sporadically funny.

The problem is Apatow wanted to do something a little more realistic and closer to real life and thats all well and good,the problem is that something like that needs to be maybe 90 minutes long at best...this fucker is over 2 hours and just seems to go on and on...I swear I thought fucking Peter "Every Movie I Make Now Will Be 4 Hours Long....oh And Cost A Gazillion Dollars" Jackson was involved.Just WAAAAY too long.

Also I understand comic actors want to branch out and do "serious" roles occasionally....well someone needs to tell Mr. Sandler that enough is enough...seriously talk about one note acting...he has been in a few dramas,and every single one of them he acts depressed and solemn in each film.Thats how he acts in this.And granted with the story setup,he's supposed to act that way....but unfortunately when something happens that should have changed the tone of the film from dramedy to full fledge comedy he still comes across as kinda morose dick head.

The story is that Sandlers characters a world famous comedian,who finds out he's dying from a rare disease.He doesnt handle it too well,but decides to hire Rogen who is an aspiring comic to write material for him,so he can go out and do some final shows before he passes away.While he's thinking he's dying he tries to make amends for being a total prick to everyone,including the love of his life Mrs. Apatow....seriously Judd,NICE JOB!!

Anyways,he eventually finds out the doctors messed up and he's not dying,so he kinda goes back to being a prick.He doesnt tell Mrs. Apatow and tries to woo her back from her husband Eric "He Would Fucking Assinate Sandler" Bana. There are moments when its funny,but when a flick is over two hours its a tough stretch.

Can I say...."Yeah check these fuckers out!!" No not really.I mean "Funny People" is the better film and I did laugh more through that than "Observe and Report"....but damn it depends on the person,if you are in the mood for a dramedy then check out "Funny People". The only time I can say its ok to watch "Observe and Report" is if its on cable,or you wanna see Anna "Just Wanna Pick Her Up And Sit Her In My Lap" Farris get date raped in the movie (and she likes it),then check it out.

The Perfect Getaway aka (F@#K Hawaii or Paradise My Ass!!)

This movie surprised me,saw it about a month ago,and went in with little expectations,and was really pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Oh and yeah this is the second straight Timothy "Dont Call Me Timmy" Olyphant flick,but I'm not trying to score brownie points with the lil lady or anything (hell she hasnt even seen this yet,which is hard to believe),I am just kinda burned out at work and needed a breather and I havent watched much the last few days,so I figured this one would do...and besides,I've been on a horror film kick lately so I figured it was time I did a review of something different.

Anyhow,like I said before...this is a fun film.It stars as forementioned (BIG WORD OF THE DAY!!) my wifes crush Mr. Olyphant as well as Steve "I'm sick of being the sidekick in dumbass comedies that make $6 at the theaters" Zahn,Mila "MMM,MMM Good" Jovovich,and Kielie "Just Lay Naked on that Float A Lil Longer" Sanchez (OMG!!)....The film is by David Twohy who has made some a few pretty cool little flicks like "The Arrival" starring Charlie "Ok I Promise I Wont Go Beating My Wife and Whoring Anymore" Sheen which was a low budget sci fi flick that was surprisingly decent and he also did "Pitch Black" starring Vin "I Dont Have Much of a Career Anymore Unless Its a Rehash of My Old Flicks" Diesel,which is Diesels best movie and is pretty damn awesome.Twohy hasnt done a ton of films,but what he has done has been good for the most part,so I shouldnt have been surprised when I was wide awake one night at midnight (which nowadays is a feat if I'm not out partying like a rock star...which isnt too often now)watching this one.

The film centers on two newlyweds played by Zahn and Jovovich who are having their honeymoon in Hawaii.They decide to do some siteseeing by going hiking to one of Hawaiis most remote and beautiful beaches.On there way they pickup a pair of shady ass hitchhikers that creep them the fuck out.So they dump them off and of course pretty soon hear that there is a pair of psychopaths impersonating a couple and killing newlyweds not far from where they are at.So of course this freaks the two of them out.Soon they meet Timmy and The Hotness (Ms. Sanchez) who are siteseeing also and heading to the same site they are going to. They seem friendly enough,but they do seem to have a bit of peculiarity that starts to make Zahn and Jovovich think they are a bit off for a reason.

To say anymore would ruin this film,and I sure as hell dont want to do that.This film is well shot,very well acted,and builds up the tension pretty damn well. So if youhavent seen it,check this one out for sure,if your disappointed in it you suck on elephantitis balls!! Ok maybe you dont suck on elephantitis balls,but I think if you check it out you'll enjoy it!!

The Crazies aka (A Whole Lot of Awesomeness,or Way Better Than The Piece of Shit Original))

Now this is what you do when you have to do a remake.You take a film that was little known and or not the greatest to begin with,but had potential in it storyline,and you make a movie thats actually better,and in this case WAY better than the original. George " I'm Going To Keep Making These Goddamn Living Dead Films Because I'm A Senile Old Goat" Romero's original "The Crazies" was perfect to be remade.The idea of a small town in the middle of Iowa being contaminated by a governtment biological weapon via the towns water and causing everyone to slowly descend into murdering madness is one hell of an idea.But if you have seen the original,its simply not that good.It was done cheaply,the writing was poor and the acting and pacing was not very good either.Yet for some reason over time its been labeled a "classic" just because it was Romeros followup to his "Night of the Living Dead".In all actuality it was BALLS.

Like I said perfect material for a remake.And let me start off by saying that Mr Breck "I'm So Fuckin Sorry For That Stupid Ass Matthew McConauhey Flick Sahara"Eisner has done an awesome job with this film.This is one remake worth the money that was put into it.So Mr. Eisner I forgive you for making my retinas burn a few years back.

The basic story is exactly the same,a government plane carrying a top secret biological weapon crashes in a lake that is the water supply for Ogden Marsh Iowa. Of course this is unbeknownst to the locals,until it is too late,and everyone is going batshit crazy.

The cast handles this all very well, Timothy "Dude,Your SOOO IN My Wifes Top5...hell Probably Top 2"" Olyphant is excellent as is Rhadha "I've been In A Shit Load Of Movies,But People Get Me Mixed Up With Melissa George From the "Amityville Horror" remake All The Time Dammit!!" Mitchell as his wife. Olyphant and Mitchell are the towns sheriff and local doctor and of course are husband in wife,but this is all handled very well.

This movie doesnt take long to get going,and once it does,it is sooo frickin kick ass,it has one of the best "badass" moments I have seen in a long time,pulled off by Olyphant. The feel of the movie is at times tension wise similar to "28 Weeks Later" which is a good thing.It has some nice little moments that are in there to ease the tension that are done realistically.This is just one very damn good film.If you like horror films,I cannot recommend this one enough.Go see it.You will enjoy the shit out of it!!