2012 aka (Kinda How I Used To Like My Women...Pretty To Look At,But Dumb As Hell)

Man,I can sum this one up pretty damn quickly. Dumb ass shit. Seriously John "I Need My Hot Tub Time Machine So I Can Go Back To 2008 And Punch Myself In The Face For Actually Agreeing To Do This Film" Cusack and the rest of the stars in this flick,must have watched the finished product and been thinking to themselves...."my God what a piece of crap".

Now to be fair to this film,its not thee first over the top disaster flick.These things have been around since the 70's...think "The Poseidon Adventure"...and every single Irwin Allen pic from that time..."Earthquake","Towering Inferno",up through "Howard The Duck" (well ok that's not technically a disaster film,but if you have seen it,you understand...hehe),and into the 90's with dueling volcano movies that were almost as stupid as "2012" ,"Volcano" starring Anne "Being A Lesbian Can Boost My Name?? Sure...Why Not??!!" Heche and Tommy "Just Give Me My Damn Paycheck" Jones...damn now that I think about that one....fuck that was stupid as fuck...if you haven't seen it....a volcano tries to take out L.A....oh that same year had Linda "I Used To Look Like A Woman Before I Found Steroids" Hamilton and Pierce "I Actually Was A Pretty Damn Good James Bond" Brosnan starring in "Dante's Peak"...awful...just awful...then that was followed the next year,by the dueling killer asteroid/comet movies with the retarded Micheal Bay flick "Armageddon" and "Deep Impact" which only had one good part in it when NYC got destroyed....which nowadays seems to happen in every single one of these fuckers....

So as you can see,"2012" isn't the first nor the last one of these damn dumb ass flicks....but it really might be the dumbest bullshit....and that's saying something...

It appears that the director Roland "I Really Need Someone Else To Start Coming Up With Ideas For My Movies" Emerich,who has made a shit load of cash off films like this since he hit pay dirt with "Independence Day"....has taken what Micheal "Lets Have A Lot Of Noise And Tons Of Explosions And Have Real Quick Editing And Over Dramatic Slow Motion Scenes When We Need To Feel Dramatic,So No One Notices All The Dumb Bullshit Going On" Bay,which is pretty to look at but retarded as hell,and timed that by 100.If "Armageddon",is that cute....but might be a retard because she is REALLY DUMB,and kinda drools while she talks and hangs with the kids wearing helmets in high school,then 2012,is that fucker that rips off his helmet and just starts wailing his head against a wall,and just starts yelling that he fucking likes tater tots,and flinging his shit everywhere kind of retarded....

The dumbness needs to be seen to believe....Now if you leave your brain at the door and just want to see shit blown up real good,then this ones for you....I mean this fucker has everything in it....Emmerich basically took every disaster flick in the last 40 years and rolled it into one big ass 2 and a half hour epic of stupidity and shit going boom....

If you have a Blu Ray player and just want some brain candy....this ones for you,really it is awesome to look at...maybe one of the best Blu Rays I have ever seen.Just try to not pay attention to the asinine shit going on between the carnage...lets put it this way,if you liked "Godzilla" at all ,when fucking the actual "Godzilla" was in the film,but you hate everything else about it,because it was a 2hr movie with an hour and 30 minutes of Mathew "Is It Too Late For That Ferris Sequel?" Broderick and others just doing and talking bullshit,then you will basically have the same feeling with this one....which makes sense since Emmerich did both...

As I said if you want to look at something that looks phenomenal and will max out your HD tv and surround sound then check it out,it doesn't get much better,but if you actually want a good film,look elsewhere...

Stag Night aka (Where the Whores At??)

This little flick surprised the hell out of me. Stag Night is a pretty damn fine film. It stars Kip "Don't Call Me Frank" Pardue and Breckin "I'm Short Enough To Be A Hobbit" Meyer. The story deals with Pardue's character and his brother Breckin "The Pinnacle Of My Career Was Clueless....and that Was 15 Frickin Years Ago" Meyer and a few buds are out having a bachelor party for Pardues character in NYC.

We don't get much debauchery from the festivities....it basically starts with the non asshole Pardue walking outside to call his fiance to check in....first off...fucking shenanigans on that shit....seriously you don't call your fiance while your out for your bachelor party....bad move....anyways...They are at a strip club and Meyers character causes a ruckus that causes them to get kicked out.Anyways they head towards the subway and get on one of the trains....its late....so its the 4 buds and two whores...uhm strippers from the club that just finished their shifts and are heading home.Anyways Meyer fucks up the situation on the train and they end up off the train....all six of them.

And unfortunately....jackass hobbit boy has gotten them to get off at a part of the tunnel that isn't really used any more...not since the 70's. Anyways they are looking for help and come across a murder being done by 3 homeless dudes. These fuckers aren't your normal homeless....they are cannibalistic....

That's it the rest of the film proceeds from there....its basically like a combo of "Judgement Night" mixed with equal parts "Wrong Turn" (Loved the first one,but goddamn enough with the sequels fuckers!!) and "Midnight Meat Train" (An overrated,but still decent pre "Hangover" Bradley Cooper flick that takes place mostly in the subway tunnels).

Anyways,what could have been a generic as hell flick,especially for DTV,turns out to be a hell of a decent flick.Its well shot,the characters are a little typical,but all the actors do a very good job...including Meyer,who even though I cracked on him,is a decent actor...the writing and pacing of the film is very well done,it doesn't drag at all....once the cannibals show up....its on like Donkey Kong.The FX are pretty damn great too....there is a death in the film that is really well done....I will say this,it is a bit gory,but again its about cannibalistic homeless killers....what do you expect??The gore is great,but its not overdone....

If you come across this one....check it out.Its everything you hope and pray for in a good DTV flick....

Kick Ass aka (Its Like The Great White Buffalo...Something Soooo Rare...An Actually Decent Nic Cage Movie)

I've been looking forward to this for a while.Now I'd never read the "graphic novel" or whatever the fuck they call comic books nowadays....but the previews looked fun...especially seeing a little 11 year old girl going all Uma Thurman "Kill Bill" on people...once I saw that I was hooked.Even if it had Nic "Anyone Want To Buy A Mansion For A Dollar" Cage in it. Seriously nowadays anything with him in it....I try to avoid like the plague....seriously and don't fucking bring up those dumb ass bullshit "National Treasure" shitfests....those are poor man Indy Jones type flicks with a bunch of running around,everyone talking fast,saying something cute,hahaha,run around some more,have Nic "Gee....Buying That Swamp Land A Few Years Ago Seemed Like A Good Idea" Cage doing his usual "out there" eccentric thing...but trying to act extremely educated....kinda like an idiot savant version of Tom Hanks character in those "Davinci Code" movies,and making up the most bullshit historical non sense ever thought of (knowing that our dumb ass youth are watching this crap actually believing that our founding fathers hid the nations wealth in the fucking mountain of Mt. Rushmore....fucking stupid....ugh...

Anyways....sorry went off on that...focus...ok...anyways I used to like Mr. Nic "Brother Can You Spare A Dime Cage" until about 2000 when after a nice run of flicks he just seemed to sell out and just do shit movies....of course knowing his financial circumstances now...maybe he had good reasons for selling out....anyways his movies have for the most part been awful of late.

Well "Kick Ass" is an actual good Nic "Please Go To My Movies So I Don't Have To Work At The Car Wash" Cage. Its about a normal dweeb teen,who decides that he wants to become a masked super hero,even though he doesn't have any super powers.So the dude "Kick Ass" gets his ass kicked but while doing so,gets filmed by people who make him a YouTube sensation. This of course gets the attention of the actual real superheros in the city Nic "Broke Ass" Cage and his 11 year old little hell cat played by Chloe "She's Only A Pre Teen So I'm Not Saying Anything Snarky,Plus She Was Pretty Damn Awesome In The Flick" Moretz. They are Big Daddy and Hit Girl.

Anyways this is a fun film.Bloody and violent as hell....and it actually gives Mclovin himself his first actually decent role since "Superbad"(Yeah even though Paul Rudd's my boy,"Role Models" blew chunks). This is kinda like "Watchmen" in that you have kinda normal people running around in costumes and a lot of violence for a comic book movie...but this is actually not an over long pretentious bore like,plus it has some comedic moments to lighten the mood....where as "Watchmen" just had that ridiculous sex scene that was the only funny thing in it....plus Hit Girl kicks all those Watch Men dudes asses....well except for the naked blue dude with all the crazy powers (another strike against that fucking movie...WAY too much blue guy penis in it....totally unacceptable....its like...ok dude we get it....he's naked...and blue).

This movie though is made for a very small group...dorks who read comics (probably 98.5% dudes,and probably 65.6% of those dudes still living at home with their mom and over 30),male movie goers,who like action movies and or have a dork buddy who reads comic books and needed someone to go with them,and that's about it.Don't see a lot of women going to this.And kids are out because its too violent.

But if you are within the group that its aimed for you should love it -

Oh on a side note,my buddy who I went with and saw it,ended up not too thrilled with it.He said he liked it till towards the end when it became too unbelievable....dude its a movie about kids running around fighting the mob and an 11 year old girl killing the shit out of people.He likes a certain movie where the dudes batmobile can fucking change instantly into a motorcycle,and loves some fucking aforementioned "National Treasure" flicks where they make up shit about hidden treasures stored inside Mount Rushmore,oh and love the shit out of fucking robots changing into cars and trucks and talking jive....but heaven forbid a person buys a jet pack with guns on it for the big finale....just totally ruins it with the fakeness!!!(hehehe ....)

Anyways,"Kick Ass" is fun,well shot (the scene where Hit Girl is wrecking everyones asses trying to save her dad and Kick Ass from being killed is shot awesomely),if you your curious to go see it than do so,if your not interested in this type of flick,then you wont like it....Like I said its a good film,just not for everyone....

Cut aka (Whos Going Chicken Hunting??)

Ok,so I had heard about this film from various sites and after watching the preview,was really stoked to see it. See the main attraction to this one,is the fact that the whole film was shot all in one take. Now you would think that a film that is relatively short (it clocks in at just above an hour) and done all in one take would be edge of your seat excitement.Well unfortunately by the last 30 minutes I was bored out of my mind.


The film stars Zack " I Sure Hope That Rumor About Gremlins 3 Is True....Mr. Zemekis...Please!!!" Galligan...haven't seen the dude in much of anything recently,and its good to see him in something new,he's not a bad actor....especially in something with a bit of humor,which this film does start off with....seriously there are some very funny moments early on that had me chuckling,some of the remarks by the characters are very good. And the whole one shot deal seemed to be working...


Unfortunately once the shit hits the fan it just doesn't work. The story is about a group of buds out in the woods at a buddy's uncles cottage for the weekend (stop me if you've heard this before).Anyways they are hanging out shooting the shit,as I said this is the best part of the film,then they are suddenly being stalked ala "The Strangers" by a group of dudes who are all made up like dumb ass fricking loser Juggalos from Insane Clown Posse...The problem is that they aren't really creepy and there was zero suspense....unlike "The Strangers" which was creepy as can be.


I think the problem was that they had one camera and that you don't really get that nice creepy feel due to the way its lit,and characters will be facing away from the camera at other points and the dramatic aspect disappears. Plus the sound for it wasn't very good.The last half hour unfortunately is basically just characters running into one room,screaming and yelling,then some of them will disappear as they run off to another room while the killers are shown just standing outside in the hallway doing nothing for some reason...that's pretty much how it goes,and the fight scenes when the characters fight back are also handicapped with the restriction of one camera.


I hate being so down on this film,as stated the first part isn't bad...and actually this one shot deal might have worked better if they had stuck with the comedic horror approach....maybe a bit like a "Shaun of the Dead" vein (which some of the characters remarks feel like)might have worked throughout the whole film....unfortunately,once it went full blown horror,I was ready to go do some laundry......and maybe giving my dog a bath....

Day of the Triffids aka (When Weeds Attack)

What do you get when you combine a zombie movie like "Dawn of the Dead"/"28 Days Later",and replace the zombies with plants kinda like the plants in "The Ruins"? Well you get "Day of the Triffids". And actually to be fair the novel that this recent BBC miniseries that's been released on dvd recently is based on,is a famous sci fi novel from the 1950's that has been made into two other prior British efforts.One a motion picture in the 50's and a different mini series in the 1960's.

Now what the hell is a triffid?? Good fricking question?? To be honest it looks like the kind of crap your trying to kill with Weed Be Gone in the backyard....except about eight feet tall and can move and is carnivorous. Sounds kinda silly doesn't it?? That's what I thought,but its an acknowledged classic that's evidently loved by lots of people,so that's the whole reason I checked it out.Plus Joely "Hot Legs" Richardson is in it and its cast for a mini series was pretty decent.

So is "Day of the Triffids" any good? Yes it is. The story is set in the near future where these damn killer weeds have been harvested to make a new type of oil that has saved Earth from the greenhouse effect.One of the head honchos is Dougray " I Was Supposed To Be A Fucking Huge Star After MI II....Fuck Tom Cruise!!" Scott,who plays a scientist who lost his mom to the weeds back in the day,and since that crap,has been trying to get a handle on these fuckers. Anyways,these weeds are on these farms all over the world,and are being contained by electricity.

Well Mr. Wanna Be A Star has an incident at one of these farms and is rushed to the hospital,and has his eyes bandaged up. (Evidently these fucking weeds have poison in their vines that kill within seconds if its from an adult weed,but can lead to only blindness from a youngun weed) well dude gets a money shot in the eye,and is drugged up and passes out.Well its a good thing he passes out,because it just so happens to be the night where these shots of light or whatever the hell,from the Sun are supposed to put on a once in a lifetime light show.So of course the dude with the money shot in the eye misses out on it.

Well just as in that epic 80's classic "Night of the Comet" hehe ...you know the shit is gonna hit the fan.Well these shots of light cause anyone and everyone who looks at them to go blind.Now there are a few lucky souls who avoid this...Hot Legs included...also included is the main villain played by Eddie " What Do Ya Mean I Cant Wear These Stilettos While I'm Shooting My Shotgun" Izzard. He plays a total prick who was on a flight to London when the light show hit,but was sleeping so of course he's the only one on the flight that can see. Dickhead wakes up on the plane realizes whats going on and grabs all the life preservers he can and hides in the bathroom of the plane as it is going down. HMMM gotta remember that one...mental note...anyways he survives and ends up wanting to take advantage of the whole "yeah everyone cant see shit,cept me "situation and wants to be something like king of England (of course being Mr. Izzard,maybe more like the Queen) anyways he's an asshole.

So basically Dougray"What The Fuck Is A Dougray?" Scott wakes up can see,runs into Hot Legs,and bonds with her....but tries to play it cool,like he doesn't want to butt uglies with her...anyways they realize that triffids have gotten loose and they want their baby back,baby back ribs...

This is when its kinda like a zombie movie with weeds. With Queen Izzard trying to manipulate situations to his advantage and make everyone else kill the weeds,also he's got the hots for Hot Legs also,so he's trying to get rid of Dougray "No Seriously WTF Is A Dougray???" Scott.

This is an entertaining miniseries.And I'll say this,our network tv peeps need to learn from the British...yeah I know they've stolen several show ideas or even shows from them,including Idol,The Office and other stuff...but seriously tv movies here in the states have gone the way of the dinosaurs....just sad,hell this country created the fuckers in the 70's with excellent stuff like "Duel" (a Steven Spielberg Classic before he was famous),and many,many,other epic flicks all through the 70's-90's then seemed to fade into nothing but Hallmark bullshit and Lifetime chicks in distress because they've married serial killer movies....just sad....seriously the British know how to do these things right.The FX in this is pretty damn decent for tv.The acting is above average....this could have been trimmed down a bit and been a theatrical release basically....

I mean if this had been done in the states,it would have been a God Awful Sci Fi movie starring Bruce Boxleitner in the Scott role,Krista Allen in Hot Legs part,and one of the non talented Baldwins (theres a lot of them,take your pick,Daniel,Stephen,or William) in the Izzard role.The FX would have looked cheap,and it would have just been awful....

If Sci Fi flicks are your thing and you haven't seen any of the versions of this story,give it a shot.Its a pretty decent way to spend a few hours...and thank goodness it was done by the British (they actually give a shit and try)...

Religulous aka (Bill Maher Calls Shenanigans On Religion)

Religion,its a very touchy subject. It has lead to more wars and violence and bloodshed between man than anything else. Its a very difficult thing to make a docu/comedy film about without offending someone. Well Bill Maher has said screw it and come just decided to offend pretty much everyone (well everyone who is religious).

With "Religulous" Maher who I guess the word to use....is agnostic with atheistic tendencies....delves into not just Christianity but also every other religion in the world. Mr. Maher travels the world interviewing various individuals of all religions trying to see why all the religions pretty much hate every other religion.And also points out a lot of fallacies of all religion.

Look ,this movie is not for everyone.If you are a devout Christian,Muslim,Hindu,Mormon,Scientologist...you name it,he's going after it.But the beauty is that its his right to do so. If you think this movie will offend you it probably will.But if you go into it with an open mind,you will maybe come out of it with some questions about things.

I will be honest,I'm not a religious person,so I went in and enjoyed it.It can be very funny and also bring up very solid questions about all religions.His comparison of the story of Jesus to various Mediterranean area gods that were worshiped prior to his story and the amazing similarities to all the stories....has gotta make ya wonder....

I like Bill Maher,always have,yeah he comes across as a bit of an A hole,but he's smart,his comedy is smart,he knows his shit. He will go after anything.When Bush was in office,he was always tearing him a new asshole when he thought he deserved it,but also could see sometimes what that government was sometimes trying to do.He's done the same with Obamas administration when they deserve criticism he's not afraid to go after them.And I like that.But I know there are a lot of people who cant stand him.So again,this movie is for a very specific group of people.If your all about car bombing infidels at a Sbarro or bombing an abortion clinic in Florida,because that's what Jesus wants....uhm yeah,don't watch this flick.

Oh by the way.I don't know whats more ridiculous after watching this film,the amusement park "Holy Land" in Orlando where everyday is "Jesus Christ Superstar" all day,with a bit of Busch Gardens thrown in (really just ridiculous) I swear the place looks like something out of a "South Park" episode,or the actual story that the Mormon religion is based on...really if you see this film you'll see what I mean...lets put it this way....we can all say that those peeps back in the 90's that were all wearing Adidas sweatsuits and sneakers and all did mass suicide waiting for some aliens riding on the back tail of a comet weren't all that different from the silly story of the Mormon religion....sorry but man....

Anyways I liked this film,and I liked the fact that Maher could take the topic and make ya laugh as well as think.If you have an open mind,then check this one out.

The Skeptic aka (Surprisingly Better Than Anything With The Other Dude From "Wings" and Tom Arnold Should Be)

So after two nights of fighting with the taxes for three hours each night and being totally frickin frustrated with the whole effort.Seriously somebody please explain why the hell I work all the damn time and the government takes plenty of money each pay check and yet each year I still get screwed over and have to pay,while some dude is sitting around on their ass all day collecting unemployment or SSI and gets a big fat check from the government...that I and my wife helped pay for??!! Seriously.....ugh....does Canada have taxes to file like us??? Dunno....But if not Canada is kinda basically the 51st state anyways,so I could live up there and have a satellite and still catch all my sports and stuff.....plus the Canadians are pretty nice people....it would be like living in the States but friendlier!! Thought about Mexico....but don't want to hassle with drug cartels...

What was I talking about??...Oh yeah anyways,so after screwing around with that crap I crashed and the wife found "The Skeptic" on one of the movie channels.Now I'll be honest I've had this recorded for about 6 months and just haven't watched it,even though I had heard it wasn't bad....but I kept avoiding it,because with the other dude from that show "Wings" and Tom "I Had Sex With Roseann Barr Only To Get My Name Out There" Arnold in it....how good could it really be??/ I mean it sounds like the type of crap that shows up on the Sci Fi (Fuck that new spelling) Channel ....just seemed like it would be a tv movie.

But I was wrong.Granted I was probably just simply relieved to not be stressed out from bullshit,and finally able to chill out some,but dammit,this is a pretty damn decent little flick.

"The Skeptic" is about the other dude from "Wings" having an old Aunt pass away,and wouldn't you know it,he's her last remaining kin,so of course he calls out "MINES" for the house....now he is really happy that this came about as he was tired of his bitch ass wife (well that was his point of view,I thought she was cute and pretty nice..) and he wanted a reason to take a break from marriage,so he uses this as his excuse and moves into this creepy ass house.

Let me just say,they did an excellent job in picking the house for this film.It is extremely creepy,and the cinematography does a very nice job of keeping all the nooks and cranny's in the dark...this is a surprisingly atmospheric movie...for a movie with Tom "Yeah I Actually Had My Dick In Roseanne Barr A Few Times...But I Pulled Out!!" Arnold and the other dude from "Wings".

Now, the other dude from "Wings" is a pretty straight arrow,but also a total ass...but he comes across as kind of a likable ass...but he moves in and then the creepy shit starts. At first he is DADA!!...Skeptic of everything,but once he starts hearing voices and seeing a figure...which he believes is his dead Moms,he freaks the hell out,oh he also has a fit because,not only are the ghosts trying to freak him out,but his Aunt basically said "fuck you" in her will and leaves the house to a professor who runs a paranormal research lab. So of course Mr. asshole goes and at first is like "Fuck You you cant have my house...you carpet bagger!!" ...but then after some more creepiness (that was really well done by the way)....hes back asking for some advice.

This is when Zoe "I Look Like What Would Happen If Jada Pinkett and Thandie Newton Were Lesbian Lovers And Could Actually Have a Love Spawn...I Would Be It" Saldana pops up as a researcher who shows up to help to see what the dealio is.

Look if ya like good old fashion haunted house flicks. And you by chance stumble upon "The Skeptic" take a chance and watch it.Its got some very well done creepiness.Its well shot,and the other dude from "Wings" does a very nice job.Its nice to see that the dudes from that show all seem to have a career still....ya have the janitor dude actually appearing in highly acclaimed movies like "Sideways"...and you have the other other dude from"Wings" always popping up in all kinds of genre flicks,yeah mostly DTV releases,but still he's got a career,what the hell ever happened to the cute chick??

Hopefully she hasn't turned out like Kathleen Turner!! Seriously...have you seen her?? Damn...rumor has it that Ms. Turner will be starring in the remake of "Free Willy"...as Willy....seriously...WTF???

The Collector aka (F*#K This Movie!!)

Boy do I hate Saw films. Ok I actually really liked the first one,and totally didn't see the ending coming. But by the end of Saw 2 and all the unbelievable bullshit that was going on onscreen.I yelled shenanigans at the screen and swore off Saw films from that point on. With those films you have to leave believability at the door...and granted your talking to a guy who thinks "Hot Tub Time Machine" is a work of fucking art...but seriously I just don't have patience to sit and believe that people have all the time in the world to make these ridiculously convoluted traps for people...and there is such a sameness too all the Saw films....once you've seen Part 2,you really don't need to see the others.

And that there lies the major problem with "The Collector".It is basically Saw under a different name.And its a shame,because when this came out last summer I was really looking forward to seeing it,because the previews made it look like an intense little film that had a very cool look to it....and it does have a very neat look,but the problem is its a Saw wannabe.And that makes sense since it was written and directed by one of the guys that did the last few Saw films (and who also did the Feast films,they were the guys that won that last Project Greenlight show)....seriously these guys gotta be the luckiest fucker in the world.They aren't really that good at writing stuff....but they keep getting these gravy jobs.They must have made a pact at the crossroads somewhere in Mississippi with the Devil...here's hoping there ten years is almost up!!

Look if you like The Saw films you'll like this one.If you can suspend belief and say....ok,one dude,by himself in a matter of just hours can booby trap a whole fucking house with really complicated "Saw" type traps,and that said individual,you know is always ahead of everybody else,and you know,just as in the "Saw" films that at the end,said dude will basically come out on top....then you'll probably enjoy this shit.

Me....I was about 30 minutes into it,just sitting there yelling to myself "Ah Come on!! Shenanigans!!" This movie...to me at least....was about as enjoyable as sitting through a horror movie with Charlie "Where You At Dave Chappelle?" Murphy....just hated the living shit out of it.

The Informant aka (Matt Damon is a F*#king Pathological Liar!!)

I was looking forward to seeing this from the get go.I really enjoy most of Matt "Seriously Kevin Smith I Don't Want To Be In Any More Of Your Movies,Go Call Ben" Damon. He usually doesn't appear in crap.The only thing I was leery about is that it was directed by Stephen "I Like To Make Really Oddball Shit,That Doesn't Make Any Money,But When The Rent Comes Due,Theres Always Another Oceans Movie" Soderbergh. I like the way Soderbergh directs,but his films can be very hit or miss.Plus for some odd reason I had this feeling in the back of my head that this would be similar in style to the highly disappointing "Burn After Reading".Thankfully this isn't like it.

Now,this isn't a rousing gut busting comedy.Its actually a very well written and smart comedy,where you have to be patient and pay attention to everything.This is definitely not "Paul Blart Mall Cop" bullshit.

Its based on a true story from the early 90's about a man in Iowa who was a whistle blower on his company,by claiming that they were involved with the Japanese in price fixing different products involving corn. Damon of course plays the informant,and he fricking nails this guy.His character is a total tool,who is actually stealing money from his company,but had such visions of grandeur that the dumb ass made up a lot of what he informed the Feds (played by Scott "Are You Fucking Kidding Me That The Guy From Quantum Leap Is Co Starring In A Matt Damon Film??" Bakula),and his web of lies just continue to expand as the investigation gets going.

Like I said you need to pay attention,if you do,you'll pick up on some very funny lines.I actually feel like this is one of those films that you'll really appreciate after more than one viewing.Its not a gut buster,but it did have me snickering.Which for a movie on a Sunday after noon is a good thing.So while its not a comedic thoroughbred like "Hot Tub Time Machine",its still worth seeing,if its on cable,or you cant find anything in the Red Box.

The Final aka (Like If Hostel met that One Tree Hill Episode Where They Had That Fat Kid Go All Columbine And They Had Sex And Had A Kid)

So,this is the second review of the new Horrorfest dvd's,and the second in a row,but this was the first one I actually watched.Its also probably in terms of the three I have seen so far,the weakest.But its not bad,its just the other two that I saw were better."The Final" is decent enough,and pretty well acted,but the thing is its not really scary,and it feels like it should have been made about 4 or 5 years ago when stuff like "Hostel" and "Saw" were influencing a ton of these films....they still do,but back then it wouldn't have been so been there,done that.

"The Final" centers on a group of loners,some are losers,but most of them are just quiet kids who are just trying to make it through high school with the least amount of being picked on by the popular,cool kids. Now high school can really suck....and to be honest,this film really makes the cool kids seem like the biggest assholes EVER....I mean the loner kids aren't doing anything and these assholes come around calling them names,and breaking shit...like one of the poor kids video camera for no damn reason.Yeah these kids suck.

The second half of the film centers on what the group of loners decide to do to get back at these assholes.They are led by a nutcase named Dane who kinda looks like Jay Baruchel,except suicidal....anyways,the loner/loser kids,decide to get revenge,not by going all Columbine and killing everyone in school,no,they have a secret invite only costume party out in the middle of nowhere,with only the assholes invited to it.

From there they drug the assholes and chain them up and slowly torture them one by one.Their plan isn't to kill them,but to disfigure them so horribly that they wont forget.Again if this film had been made in 2006,it would have been maybe fresher feeling.But its well done for a lower budget flick,and the acting is pretty decent all the way across.The thing that's a bummer for me is that I had time to kill after the movie and watched the making of feature,and the sad thing is,the kids in the movie are pretty damn funny.Especially the morose motherfucker that looks like Jay Baruchel.That's what the film was missing I think....if the first half had had a bit more levity,to go along with the setting up that the assholes were indeed assholes,it would have maybe made it a better film.As it is the film,though watchable and ok,is just very somber and kinda monotone....you know,lets show the assholes are clearly assholes and that they make the losers lifes awful and then move onto the torture.

Maybe I'm sounding like I didn't like the movie at all,don't get that feeling,its not bad,and it is watchable,its just if you can find something else to watch,then do so.