Monday, April 26, 2010

2012 aka (Kinda How I Used To Like My Women...Pretty To Look At,But Dumb As Hell)

















Man,I can sum this one up pretty damn quickly. Dumb ass shit. Seriously John "I Need My Hot Tub Time Machine So I Can Go Back To 2008 And Punch Myself In The Face For Actually Agreeing To Do This Film" Cusack and the rest of the stars in this flick,must have watched the finished product and been thinking to themselves...."my God what a piece of crap".

Now to be fair to this film,its not thee first over the top disaster flick.These things have been around since the 70's...think "The Poseidon Adventure"...and every single Irwin Allen pic from that time..."Earthquake","Towering Inferno",up through "Howard The Duck" (well ok that's not technically a disaster film,but if you have seen it,you understand...hehe),and into the 90's with dueling volcano movies that were almost as stupid as "2012" ,"Volcano" starring Anne "Being A Lesbian Can Boost My Name?? Sure...Why Not??!!" Heche and Tommy "Just Give Me My Damn Paycheck" Jones...damn now that I think about that one....fuck that was stupid as fuck...if you haven't seen it....a volcano tries to take out L.A....oh that same year had Linda "I Used To Look Like A Woman Before I Found Steroids" Hamilton and Pierce "I Actually Was A Pretty Damn Good James Bond" Brosnan starring in "Dante's Peak"...awful...just awful...then that was followed the next year,by the dueling killer asteroid/comet movies with the retarded Micheal Bay flick "Armageddon" and "Deep Impact" which only had one good part in it when NYC got destroyed....which nowadays seems to happen in every single one of these fuckers....
So as you can see,"2012" isn't the first nor the last one of these damn dumb ass flicks....but it really might be the dumbest bullshit....and that's saying something...
It appears that the director Roland "I Really Need Someone Else To Start Coming Up With Ideas For My Movies" Emerich,who has made a shit load of cash off films like this since he hit pay dirt with "Independence Day"....has taken what Micheal "Lets Have A Lot Of Noise And Tons Of Explosions And Have Real Quick Editing And Over Dramatic Slow Motion Scenes When We Need To Feel Dramatic,So No One Notices All The Dumb Bullshit Going On" Bay,which is pretty to look at but retarded as hell,and timed that by 100.If "Armageddon",is that cute....but might be a retard because she is REALLY DUMB,and kinda drools while she talks and hangs with the kids wearing helmets in high school,then 2012,is that fucker that rips off his helmet and just starts wailing his head against a wall,and just starts yelling that he fucking likes tater tots,and flinging his shit everywhere kind of retarded....
The dumbness needs to be seen to believe....Now if you leave your brain at the door and just want to see shit blown up real good,then this ones for you....I mean this fucker has everything in it....Emmerich basically took every disaster flick in the last 40 years and rolled it into one big ass 2 and a half hour epic of stupidity and shit going boom....
If you have a Blu Ray player and just want some brain candy....this ones for you,really it is awesome to look at...maybe one of the best Blu Rays I have ever seen.Just try to not pay attention to the asinine shit going on between the carnage...lets put it this way,if you liked "Godzilla" at all ,when fucking the actual "Godzilla" was in the film,but you hate everything else about it,because it was a 2hr movie with an hour and 30 minutes of Mathew "Is It Too Late For That Ferris Sequel?" Broderick and others just doing and talking bullshit,then you will basically have the same feeling with this one....which makes sense since Emmerich did both...
As I said if you want to look at something that looks phenomenal and will max out your HD tv and surround sound then check it out,it doesn't get much better,but if you actually want a good film,look elsewhere...

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