Ok,so when is it ok to do remakes?? Hmmmm thats a touchy subject,nowadays frickin Hollywood is remaking EVERYTHING under the sun...even "Red Dawn" is being remade (for the love of God...why??),nothing is off limits,theres even a nasty rumor that has been going around of someone coming up with the brilliant idea of remaking "Jaws" in 3D with Tracy Morgan in the Richard Dreyfuss role....yeah just shoot me fuckin now!!!
Well to me,if you remake a piece of shit from the past and actually improve on said piece of shit,then thats ok with me. "Sorority Row" is a perfect example of this. This of course is a remake of "House on Sorority Row",a stupid slasher flick from the early 80's that was never considered good in the first place.I've got no problem,if some dude wants to try to make something out of nothing with this old turd.And to me,mission accomplished.
Dont go into this film thinking you'll see something totally new and creative being brought to the cinematic screen...this isnt that film.But if you want to spend 90 minutes being entertained with a familiar story,shot very well,with beautiful babies everywhere....then this is the film for you.
"Sorority Row" is basically "I Know What You Did Last Summer",but with a bigger body count,a killer that at the end,your at least not saying...Where the hell did he come from?,a nice little snarky mean streak added to it (think "Mean Girls" meets "I Know What You Did Last Summer"),and the babe quotient amped up to the max.I'm serious,there is a ridiculous amount of phenomenal looking women in this film...just crazy.
Basically the film is about some sorority girls led by the ridiculously adorable Briana Evigan (saucy!!),who pull a prank with a fellow sister on that said sisters boyfriend for cheating on her,by faking her death....yeah not a good idea.As you can probably guess the prank goes wrong when numb nuts boyfriend freaks and actually impales his girl with tire crank...this of course leads the girls to hide the death,by throwing the body down an abandoned well and swearing never to speak of it to anyone,but a year later they all start to die at the hands of a mysterious killer,so you can guess where its going.So like I said its "I Know What You Did Last Summer",yes it has a paint by the numbers story line...totally not original.But damn it,this film was fun.
The story might be one we've seen a hundred times in setup,but here its actually better executed than 90 % of the time that it has been done before.Again the film has a very nice polish to it,it looks great.The pacing,is fine with it.It knows its not reinventing the wheel,and has fun.Hell its a fun movie.
The thing is,its a slasher movie,slasher movies after 30 some odd years,you know what your getting,there really isnt anywhere new to go with them,it all comes down to that word execution,and this film is very well done.The acting for a slasher film is fine,no academy awards nominees in this group,but fuck it,I'll probably wanna see this fucker again before I ever want to sit through frickin "Up In The Air".It knows what it is and it waves its freak flag in all its glory and says "Fuck You,Motherfucker,I know I'm a remake of a crappy 80's slasher,but damn it,I'm fun!!"
Oh and to the dumb ass goofs who swear that this movie is the biggest piece of shit and act like the original was fucking "Gone With the Wind"...Fuck You!! That movie was awful,it was poorly made,poorly written,and acted by people who were just above cheesy 70's porn....get off your high horse,get pissed like I do when the studios announce a remake of something that is actually a classic such as "Halloween"...dont get your panties in a bunch when bad crap is remade,and is actually watchable (hell I hope they remake "Motel Hell" the original sucks balls).Just cut this movie some breaks and enjoy it.You get an actual R Rated film,not the stupid PG-13 bullshit thats been done in the past with a lot of these remakes (ahem...cough "The Fog")...you get to see gorgeous chicks running around in next to nothing,and for the most part they all can act much better than 70's porn stars,and you can actually sit through the whole damn thing without having to look at your watch....
So to sum it up....am I going to buy this one on dvd?? Fuck Yeah!!! If your a chick,I dont want you to think that this film is a 100% male chauvinist pigs wet dream of a flick...its not (not enough nudity for that)...kidding,seriously,you can do MUCH worse for a movie night/lazy Sunday than this flick.Just go in knowing what to expect and enjoy it for what it is.
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